Rule #3: Elevator Access

I was recently told that if a disaster occurred and everyone had to come out onto the streets of NY, there wouldn’t be enough room for everyone to stand. Aside from being tremendously disconcerting, this means that there are a whole shitload of people living and working in tall buildings. This also means that there are a ton of people in need of elevators. Now, you might think that my idea of being courteous means to always hold the elevator for someone, or make sure nobody else is getting on before you repeatedly start pushing the “close door button,” which, in my experience, is about as effective as the “traffic signal” button at an intersection. But no—eff that—I’m here to say this:

If the elevator doors are closing and they are halfway closed by the time you get there then you missed the goddamn elevator—wait for the next one. I get it: “Me see elevator, me want go up elevator, now!” But stop. This is especially true in an office building, subway station, or apartment building where there is an elevator bank and you aren’t rushing for the only available elevator. And here’s why:

1) Another elevator will be along shortly. I promise. There’s always one more person running to catch the elevator and if every one of them sneaks a hand in between the doors, no one is going anywhere, EVER.

2) Even if you do succeed in getting into the elevator, everyone on that elevator is going to hate you. They will stare daggers into your head, sigh audibly, and possibly even make a comment or push past you on their way out. I’m not saying they’re right, but why bring that kind of aggressive or defensive stress into everyone’s life?

3) If you call out to hold the elevator as the doors shut, someone inside is going to do that awkward thing where they reach wildly for the “open door” button, but miss, because nobody knows where the hell those buttons are when they need them. They’ll make that, “I tried!” apologetic face and you’ll make that helpless, “How could you?” expression of dejection and everyone walks away feeling bad. The person who caught the elevator shouldn’t have to feel like an asshole when all you had to do was not slow down to check your phone on the way into the building and you would have been on board, too.